Face it, sometimes you want to give a compliment although you may not 100% believe it. Sometimes you have to for the sake of the relationship. And giving an insincere compliment can actually have the opposite than desired effect.
Now, the key to giving a sincere compliment is understanding what comprises a sincere compliment. Sincere compliments are simple, timely and they are not premeditated. A sincere compliment is also often given in the presence of others.
Keep your compliment simple and specific. An extravagant compliment often sounds forced and reeks of insincerity. Instead of gushing, pick out one specific achievement or item to compliment, say it and be done with it. Offering a compliment on a specific achievement instead of a sweeping generalization gives the illusion of paying close attention–something sincere people often do.
Be timely in offering your compliment. Waiting a week to offer a compliment on a specific achievement definitely shows that you probably weren’t paying close attention–at least, not until it was important for you to do so. For example it would be appropriate to compliment a project well done within a day or two of its completion, or the very next time you see the person. Or, if you’re going on a date, it’s important to compliment your date’s attire or look the moment you meet rather than halfway through dinner.
Speak from the heart (or at least make it seem like you are). The more words you try to throw into a compliment means the more likely it won’t seem heartfelt. Basically, you’re giving yourself an awful lot of rope to hang yourself with when you start tacking on extra words. Here are a couple examples to help you distinguish. Good: You look amazing in that dress. Bad: I can’t believe how good you look in that dress, you sure do clean up nice, don’t you? Do you see where you could get yourself into some trouble with that bad example?
Make sure you leave a paper trail or have witnesses if possible. If a compliment is given when no one is around, is the compliment really given? No, it’s not because the recipient can always deny it later. Give the compliment in the form of a letter or email when warranted, or make sure you’re in a highly visible public place (or while in earshot of friends) so that the recipient of the compliment can feel extra special. Most people figure that you’re not going to blatantly lie in front of a bunch of people, so it adds to that veil of sincerity.
The art of giving a sincere compliment involves a number of factors. Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that a sincere compliment stems from a genuine feeling of admiration. But, whenever that genuine feeling of admiration is absent, you at least have this plan to fall back on.
Here’s one final bit of advice if you’re actually trying to reconnect with someone: You want to make sure that you are sincere and not faking it. For more tips and information on how to properly get a love back, I’d recommend reading TW Jackson’s The Magic of Making Up.
