It’s true that forgiving is much easier than forgetting, but unless you are capable of forgetting you never truly forgive. Forgiveness is pardoning someone for their offense and forgetting is putting that transgression from your mind completely. Refusing to forget results in a lingering grudge between you and the other person. Although you may have told him that you have forgiven him, the memory of his actions remains with you causing a lack of trust. Now, to truly forgive and forget, you must understand your own feelings as well as those of the person who wronged you, express your feelings in a rational manner, realize that your relationship is more important than being right and accept your partner’s apology.
Don’t get me wrong, your anger may be justified, but staying angry does no one any good in the long run. Taking the time to work through these emotions before offering forgiveness will help you to forget your partner’s words or actions. If you rush to offer forgiveness before you have had the opportunity to vent your own frustrations forgetting will be nearly impossible. You also need to understand the feelings of the person who offended you. Giving your partner the chance to express his side of the situation will give you a better understand of why he acted the way he did. It may turn out that everything was a misunderstanding and the pain was not caused intentionally.
Dealing with your own emotions in a calm and rational way. You may be justified, but reacting irrationally based on emotion will only serve to deepen the wounds between you and your partner. Give yourself a little time to manage your own feelings and collect your thoughts, and allow your partner the same courtesy, so that you both will be able to speak to one another calmly.
A crucial aspect of forgiving and forgetting is valuing your relationship more than you value being right in an argument. You may be right, but being right is not worth losing someone you care for. If you are able to put your love for your partner ahead of your ego, then you will be more willing to forgive and forget.
Finally you can never really forgive and forget unless you are truly willing to accept your partner’s apology. Harboring feelings that the apology isn’t genuine will damage the relationship because you will always harbor that doubt. Listen sincerely to your partner’s apology and have faith that the apology is heartfelt and genuine. Then let him know that you accept his apology and are willing to not let this situation interfere with your future interactions.
